Remembering someone you have lost. Mourning. Grief. It is all a process. But at what point is putting out tokens of remembrance too much?

We have all lost a friend or loved one. It is especially trying when this sort of loss occurs suddenly. An example is a car crash or even tragically a murder. But at what point do you stop decorating the site? Many people agree that during that first week, it seems appropriate to mark a site of passing. If it occurs on public property, a plaque or permanent marker would be installed. But what about if it occurs on a dangerous road side? Say an accident occurs on a blind curve. Death tokens could become a dangerous distraction to other drivers. What would happen if you were driving along one rainy night; poor visibility,and suddenly a 5 foot teddy bear or shiny mylar balloon reflected off headlights? A person would instinctively swerve. Wouldn't this be probable that mourning in this way could cause another traffic accident?

What would you do if there was a tragedy on your front lawn? How long would it be tolerable to have a memorial set up? A week? A month? A year? Forever?

What if the mourners kept coming back week after week. What if they started erecting semi-permanent things like crosses or picture memorials. What would you do if there were mourners outside your living room window everyday? Who would be responsible for removing the tokens of love/death?

What would happen if it continued? You suddenly find you are losing your property people who have lost a loved one. They keep adding to the memorial they have erected. You see after a while that these expressions of adoration; have become with the weather changes, unsightly piles of debris.

In American culture it is socially acceptable to visit a grave or mausoleum. These are spaces where loved ones are commonly taken when they pass away. These are private places which are paid for. Most commonly, people go to these places in times of mourning. But over the past couple decade it has become popular to go to the actual site of a tragedy.

They have increasingly began to erect crosses or other semi-permanent expressions. In some cases, families and friends frequent these places. Leaving on their visits to these places, tokens. A token meaning an object such as a Flower, Toy, or other item that represents somehow the person they miss. At times, this can be touching. But eventually, there is responsibility to be taken. This is something that people fail to acknowledge.

At some point, you need to accept that even the most tolerant land owner will get frustrated. Eventually, the memorial needs to be cleaned up. As devastating as this can be for the mourners, it will need to happen at some point. Many people become angry. But there is something to be said about ownership. A land owner is responsible for the upkeep of their property. Although many people feel this is unjust, it is part of life. The logical thing to do would be to ASK the landowner if you may put up a cross. There are some people that would be fine with this. But be prepared, many people will not want to have a symbol of death on their property; You have to remember this is a correct term. Although we want to believe this is a memorial or honor type thing, a cross driven into the ground at a place other than a recognized church is a universal sign of death. There are many reasons for a person to refuse to accommodating mourners. It may be uncomfortable for the land owner to pass by a marker like this. A memorial marker may cause their visitors or children distress. It may be upsetting for the neighbors. The truth is it can be considered morbid.

It is a sad fact of life that we all must move on. It is eventual though. This is coming from a person who has lost parents, grand parents, children and siblings. Not to mention friends. And also to all sorts of circumstances too. Car accidents, suicide, murder, etc.. The truth is people die every day. They die everywhere. In homes, on roadsides, hospitals, public places. There is none of us that is immune to the hand of death. It is personally devastating to all of us.

But this is the reason I am writing all of this, is I want my Family and Friends to be logical and considerate. Do not mark my place of departure.

If I die on a roadside, or in someone's yard, or under a tree on someone's land; Please do not mark my place of departure. Please do not make pilgrimages to the place my soul dissipated. Please, remember me as I lived. Go to the place I am buried. If you want to tell me you love me, say it. Please do not litter the cemetery with things that will not bio-degrade like stuffed animals. If you leave me flowers, remove the plastic wrapper.

The fact that you must keep in mind, is that there is always some poor soul that has to clean this stuff up.